Deafening Silence
by BleedingMascara23
Summary: (One-shot) A glimpse into Alex Shepherd's life after the accident at Toluca Lake and how this has affected not only himself but his family. Feedback is greatly appreciated!


Deafening Silence

**A/N: I haven't written anything in quite some time, and have considered posting a follow up chapter or story to 'Not Your Homecoming' for anyone who's read that...obviously it's still only a maybe and if I decide to it won't be for quite a while. Anyway, this is simply a One-Shot about Alex and his home life after the accident with Joshua out on the lake. When the story mentions alex jumping in the water after joshua fell out of the boat, i added this as i felt this should have happened in the actual game cutscene.**

***As a side note, in this story Alex was never sent away.**  
**Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys reading this new story. It's basically just something small for everyone to enjoy during my times of writing absence.**

*** I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SILENT HILLS, THIS STORY IS PURELY FAN BASED***

They weren't mad.

They were never mad anymore, nor were they sad. They kept to themselves mostly, their mumbles too soft to echo in the silent house. It was always so quiet now that he was gone...  
He used to be the one who'd cause all the ruckus in the household, but they never used to mind; I know I sure didn't. Perhaps you really miss something like that once it's finally gone.

It's been two long years since that night, the night I screwed everything up; changed three peoples lives forever, including my own and ended one...

My parents and I never speak about it. Even when I attempt to bring it up they shut me down; like a dog snapping at a potiential threat. Lillian shakes her head gently at me, her frail hands going weak from the greif. We aren't the people we used to be; I can't even handle being in the same room as either of them. Their eyes don't look at me anymore; they look through me, as if I'm just a sheet of wall paper stuck on the wall. I'm transparent to them now. I'm the reason their lives will never be the same again, the reason Joshua isn't here with us at the dinner table tonight; or any night for that matter.

I push the over boiled peas around the bone china dinner plate. My head is facing down toward the table as I listen to the soft clink of cutlery while my parents eat their meals. I stare down at the untouched food on my plate that is getting colder by the minute, I don't have much of an appetite tonight; then again, when do I ever? My skin is pale, I look malnourished, yet I never quite feel hungry anymore; my emotions have made me full enough.

My father looks over at my sunken form.  
'Alex.' He says.  
I don't respond for a moment. I'm just so _tired_. He repeats himself, and this time I muster the effort to drag my glazed brown eyes to face level.  
He clears his throat, trying to seem composed and calm. 'You've hardly touched your food.'  
Lillian looks over at my plate. Her skin is sallow; she is just as tired as I am, I can see it. I set my fork down gently, taking great care with each move I make.  
'I'm not hungry.' I mumble, preparing to leave the dinner table and retreat to my bedroom, where the guilt may continue to eat away at me. Adam sighs, not out of frustration or anger, but instead what seemed to be, understanding. I stare blankly at the thick film of dust that has formed on the glass vase in the center of the table, the flowers inside the crystal piece are long dead, their petals brown and leathery looking. Lillian used to always change the flowers over every week with fresh ones from the garden, but she doesn't garden anymore; I can see by her pale face she is lacking vitamin D. She doesn't talk to myself or Adam anymore, she bottles it all up and I can see its taking it's toll on her. I watch Adam as his aged eyes dart from myself to Lillian, who is hunched over slightly in silence. It pains me to see what has become of this family.

Adam has aged, his weathered hand sits idly on the table as he looks at me; saying nothing at all just like always. Perhaps he pittys me, or dreams of a different life for all of us. I'm sorry, I'm _always_ sorry. I want to tell them, but it may do more damage than good, the loss is too much now. I push the plate away from me ever so gently, preparing to excuse myself from the table. My eyes flick over to them, they have mastered it now, bottling up the pain is all part of their daily routine now. I look up at the discoloured square shape on the wall across from me. Lillian took down all of the pictures with Joshua in them; she says they make her too upset. They are both about repression now; they try to pretend nothing happened by putting away all the memories of _him_.

I stand slowly, but neither of them notice. I swallow thickly, feeling my soul trying to break free. The air is thick; I feel like I'm breathing in ashes. I mutter before I can even comprehend the words, my stomach feels a little lighter as I do so.

'It was an accident.'  
What am I saying? What have I done now.  
Lillian glares at me, in both surprise and resentment; I do not blame her. Adam on the other hand sighs and looks to the side almost asthough he doesn't believe me.  
'Really?'  
'Was it _really_?' He repeats, his eyes making contact with mine. I look down; shame is a daily emotion for me now.

They believe what happened was due to some underlying malice I felt toward Joshua. They couldn't be so wrong, I wish for him to come back everyday. It never stops. The counting in my mind is endless... suffocating.

I whisper 'yes', but no one truly hears me, not because I was too quiet, but because they simply refuse to hear it. It's too hard to accept that perhaps no one can be blamed for what happened that night, that is was just afterall a terrible accident. My mind flashes back constantly to that night, how I jumped into the water after Joshua to try and save him, however I was too late.

This is my life now, all because I was too careless. It is my fault that hes no longer here, and I accept that.

Acceptance is the key to this. It helps me cope through this deafening silence. 


End file.
